How Interpersonal Trauma Can Make Your Life Feel Small

6 min read

And how to begin reclaiming space in your world

When we go through a traumatic event—especially one that involves people we know and trust—it can shrink our world. Suddenly, everything and everyone feels like a threat. We may isolate ourselves, not because we want to be alone, but because explaining what we’re feeling seems impossible. How do you describe the experience of being trapped, powerless, or fearing for your safety when there are no visible wounds?

Before we go further, let’s clarify what we mean by trauma.

What Is Trauma?

The National Institute of Mental Health defines a traumatic event as something shocking, scary, or dangerous that can affect us physically and emotionally. Trauma can take many forms—natural disasters, accidents, violence—but this article focuses specifically on interpersonal trauma.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), interpersonal trauma includes physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological abuse that occurs between people—often in close relationships. I would also add financial abuse, which is not always included in mainstream definitions but is just as destabilizing. Financial insecurity, or having one's access to money and resources controlled, can deeply impact safety, housing, autonomy, and wellbeing.

How Interpersonal Trauma Shrinks Our World

Interpersonal trauma is often invisible. It happens behind closed doors. And because our brain’s survival responses—fight, flight, freeze, or fawn—kick in during these moments, we may struggle to articulate or even remember what happened. The fear, confusion, and disconnection can linger long after the event is over.

In the most severe cases, trauma can fundamentally shift how we see the world. We may come to believe that no one is trustworthy. We scan for danger, expecting betrayal or harm. This hypervigilance, while protective at one time, can make it difficult to form supportive relationships or ask for help.

Shame and guilt also play a powerful role. These emotions often fester in silence, making it harder to reach out. The result? A life that becomes smaller—not by choice, but by fear.

You might notice

• Few or no close relationships

• Distance from family or loved ones

• A loss of joy, spontaneity, or whimsy

• Secret-keeping around internal experiences

• Over-functioning in other areas (like work) to compensate

• Rigid, all-or-nothing thinking

• Persistent sadness, anger, or hopelessness

How to Begin Expanding Your Life Again

Healing from interpersonal trauma takes time, care, and support. The good news? Healing is possible.

A study about California found that 2 out of 3 adults reported having at least one Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE). But the same study also showed that positive, supportive experiences—in adulthood and childhood—can help offset the effects of trauma.

So where do you start?

1. Get Support from a Professional

Therapy isn’t just for people who love to talk about their feelings. It’s a structured healthcare space where healing can happen. A licensed professional can help you make sense of your experience, develop coping strategies, and support your longer-term healing.

Even if you’re unsure about ongoing therapy, starting with an assessment can provide tools, perspective, and relief.

2. Start Small—with One Step at a Time

Healing doesn’t require you to overhaul your life overnight. In fact, trying to do too much too soon can backfire.

Choose one manageable goal to start with. For example, if you want to feel more connected to the outside world, you might begin with a 5-minute walk once a week in a quiet, peaceful place. In the following week, you can either increase the time or the frequency—but not both. Sustainable healing is all about pacing.

3. Create a Gentle Routine

Trauma disrupts our sense of control. Routines can help restore it.

One of the most disorienting parts of trauma is the loss of control, like everything is happening to you, and there’s no steady ground. Creating a soft structure for your day can help restore a sense of safety, predictability, and rhythm. This doesn’t have to be rigid or overwhelming. 

Below is a sample routine you can adapt to your own needs and energy levels. You can also explore this list of positive activities from the APA to personalize it even further.

A Note on Perfectionism and Mood Reasoning

As you begin to rebuild, be mindful of the perfectionist trap—the urge to create rigid rules (tracking) around healing or to judge your progress harshly. Healing isn’t linear or something you can check off. You don’t have to “do it right” to be deserving of peace.

Mood reasoning is when we let our feelings dictate what we will or won’t do. During trauma recovery, this often shows up in subtle but powerful ways. For example, we may not feel like going for a five-minute walk—even though that small step could support our healing.

Similarly, an athlete might not feel like going to practice, but skipping it means missing an opportunity to build skill and resilience. The point is this: waiting to feel ready or motivated isn’t always the best guide—especially when it comes to healing. Sometimes the most restorative actions are the ones we don’t feel like doing at first.

You Deserve to Feel Safe Again

Trauma may have made your life feel small. But it’s possible to reclaim space—gently, intentionally, and in your own time.

If you’re an adult in California and would like support—whether you're looking for brief trauma-informed guidance or in-depth therapy—I invite you to reach out by booking a free 15 minute consultation.