When Your Inner Critic Won’t Quit: 7 Therapist-Backed Ways to Push Back
Maya is the go-to person for everyone in her life.
She remembers birthdays, leads team projects, and rarely lets anything slip through the cracks. But inside? Her thoughts are tangled in a loop of self-doubt.
“You should’ve handled that better.”
“You’re behind again.”
“Why can’t you just get it right?”
In my Oakland therapy practice, I work with professionals, teens, and creatives who carry a similar internal playlist. That voice—the one that insists it’s helping you stay sharp—isn’t always helpful. In fact, it’s often exhausting.
Let’s explore how to challenge it.
The Truth About Self-Criticism
There’s a difference between taking healthy responsibility and being stuck in a shame spiral. One fosters growth; the other fuels perfectionism, paralysis, and burnout.
Self-awareness opens the door to change.
Self-blame locks it shut.
Neuroscience backs this up: harsh self-judgment activates the brain’s threat system (Kim et al., 2020), while kindness toward ourselves creates a sense of safety and connection which making healing more possible.
7 Ways to Stand Up to
Your Inner Critic
1. Come Back to the Moment
The inner critic often operates on assumptions or old fears—not facts.
To interrupt the spiral, try this:
What did I actually see, hear, or say?
What was real vs. what I’m assuming?
Grounding yourself in the here-and-now reconnects you to your body and away from the imagined chaos.
2. Journal to Self-Validate
Let your journal be your witness, not your judge. Write freely about what happened and how it felt. Even a messy page gives your nervous system something solid to process. Naming your experience gives shape to the emotion and helps you process rather than suppress. It also strengthens your internal voice(also a form of self validation), the one that tells the truth without tearing you down.
Need help getting started? Download my free Grounding Guide for journaling.
3. Reframe the Narrative
Instead of just imagining what someone kind might say, go a step further, rewrite the story you’re telling yourself.
Original thought: “I messed that up again.”
Reframed version: “I made a mistake. I’m learning through this. One awkward moment doesn’t define me.”
This is subtle cognitive restructuring. You’re not gaslighting yourself, forcing toxic positivity or pretending everything’s fine. You’re creating space for nuance, for self-trust, and for the truth: that your worth isn’t based on flawless life performance.
4. Soothe Your Body First
Before you analyze, regulate.
Try:
Placing a warm hand over your chest and breathing slowly
Moving gently, stretch, sway, or step outside
Playing a nostalgic uplifting song from your teens
Over time, these rituals quiet your internal alarm system and build emotional safety from within.
5. Practice Self-Compassion (Or Borrow Someone Else’s)
Think of someone who sees you clearly and would never speak to you the way your critic does. It could be your best friend, your favorite teacher, or a podcast host who always makes you feel seen. Let their tone replace the inner monologue, even for a moment. Borrow their compassion until your own voice gets stronger.
6. Contain the Spiral with a Worry Window
Worrying doesn’t have to be your all-day playlist.
Set a 10-minute window in your day just for letting it all tumble out. When time’s up, gently close the tab. This helps you create a boundary with your anxious mind.
7. Try a Loving-Kindness Meditation
Even a few minutes can help.
These meditations have been shown to reduce self-judgment and build emotional strength (Neff & Germer, 2013). You don’t need anything fancy, UCLA’s Mindful Awareness Center offers free versions that are beautiful and grounding.
If You’re Burned Out From Battling Yourself
That critical voice may be rooted in old patterns such as family dynamics, past relationships, or cultural messages about worth and achievement.
Therapy is a space where you don’t have to explain your pain away or earn your right to be seen. You get to just show up.
In my therapy practice based in Oakland’s Rockridge neighborhood, I help people explore the roots of self-criticism and build a new internal dialogue. My practice is rooted in truth, safety, and compassion. I offer in person therapy in Oakland and online therapy for those in the state of California.
If you're curious about working together, I offer free 15-minute phone consultations. You can book one here.
References
Kim, J. J., Cunnington, R., & Kirby, J. N. (2020). The neurophysiological basis of compassion: An fMRI meta-analysis of compassion and its relationship to empathy and prosocial behavior. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 108, 112–123.
Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). A pilot study and randomized controlled trial of the mindful self-compassion program. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 69(1), 28–44.
UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center. (n.d.). Free guided meditations. Retrieved from https://www.uclahealth.org/programs/marc
Want More Tools Like This?
Subscribe to my monthly newsletter for:
Reflective journaling prompts
Bite-size self-regulation techniques
Thoughtful tools for managing high-functioning anxiety and burnout
You’ll also receive my free monthly resources as a welcome gift.
Cynthia Dimon, LCSW
Licensed Therapist in Oakland, CA – Serving Rockridge, Temescal, Berkeley & Online Across California
Specializing in therapy for adults, teens, and couples navigating anxiety, depression, and burnout.
cynthiadimon.com
